


Gilded Canary

by UndynesSpear



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Blood and Violence, Chara is a brat, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Ecto-Tongue (Undertale), Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Not everyone is as they seem, Political Bullshit, Sans can cook, Smart Reader, Suggestive Themes, additional tags to come as story progresses, everyone is a dick, fellswap red, no one knows what they want, reader doesn't just agree to everything, reader has magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndynesSpear/pseuds/UndynesSpear
Summary: They were speaking but you couldn’t hear them, only the instructions being whispered in your ears... You almost felt like a puppet being pulled with strings, though you knew what was happening before it happened, it was an odd feeling. They grunted as your eyes suddenly brightened and you pulled them towards you with unexpected strength out the suddenly open door, they were falling, dark, darker, yetd a r k e r…
Relationships: FS! Papyrus/Reader, Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, fs! sans/reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 65





	1. A Match In Oil and Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I've been having a few rough past months so haven't been feeling particularly up to updating my fluffier fics (all of them ._.") I felt the need to write something with a bit more... _oompf_ per se, something I could vent a bit more easily with and then this appeared in my computer over the past two weeks.
> 
> So please, enjoy this story starring two of our favorite sour boys.

You grunted as you sat back heavily in the patio chair on the balcony of your apartment and fished around your pocket for a pack of smokes and a lighter. It had been a long day, you had work last night, went shopping this morning, forgot the most important thing, had to go back, did the laundry, cleaned the place, and managed to make a half-way decent dinner for yourself. You were proud of yourself, if a bit, okay a lot exhausted, it was coming up on the new year and you wanted to try a bit harder on yourself this year. Depression had really kicked you in the ass these past couple years so you felt it was high time for some ass-kicking of your own. Starting small, but big enough to where you actually felt accomplished was proving to be a difficult task, you’re pretty sure you overdid it today. You were going to sleep like the dead.

You sighed and ruefully held a cigarette to your lips, glad this was one habit you were managing to kick, this was the only one you’d had since this morning. You flicked the lighter, the flint sparking and dying without the flame catching, you struck it again only for it to spark and flicker for a millisecond, you narrowed your eyes in the dim light at the almost empty off-brand lighter. You struck it one last time and the flame caught, only for a gust of wind to snuff it out immediately through your cupped hands. You let out an admittedly childish growl, not sounding like anything but an angry teenager, though you were past your mid-twenties. You chucked the offending lighter through the swaying willow branches encompassing the backside of your complex. Sure you only occasionally got flickers of sunlight through the dense cascade of branches, even bare as they were now, but the way your balcony was placed made it so you only had one next to yours on the right side and the only thing shared was a swath of wide hand railing that your apartments shared, otherwise you were basically alone on this side of the apartments. Sometimes you heard things from the apartment you shared a wall with, the walls were quite thick but once in a while you heard a loud voice and the front door opening and closing, never slammed, always closed at a respectable volume and never when you were in the hallway.

It didn’t bother you, it's not like they were avoiding you or something, and you were in no hurry to meet them for no reason other than you didn’t feel like faking pleasantries with people you would do that weird flat smile thing to when you passed in the hall after. Or even worse, they might actually try to invite you over to be neighborly. You made a face as you huffed, arms hanging over the railing dramatically, unlit cigarette trapped between your fingers. You had another lighter, it was just inside on the table but you didn’t want to go back inside, you were so tired.  _ Clink. _ You opened your eyes and stood, looking to your right, a small metal rectangle had appeared just on your side of the railing. You reached over and pulled it out of the slightly darker shadow and looked down at it. A worn, silver lighter sat in your hand, warm, like someone had just pulled it from a pocket. There was a worn engraving of a dog- no, a wolf with a word beneath it. You couldn’t really read it in the dim light of early dusk but what was important is that it worked. You lit the end of your smoke and carefully returned it to the railing just on the other side of the privacy wall, assuming that's where it came from. “Thanks.”

You saw a hand casually reach out and take the lighter before hearing the scuff of booted feet as the assumed owner of the hand leaned on the railing, looking impossibly tall, a dark coat of some sort covering what parts of them you could see. A hood was pulled up to obscure their face, the darkness on their side of the balcony was even deeper than yours, almost making it impossible to discern them from the shadows themselves. The only thing you could see was the tip of a glowing ember in their long, pale fingers, the rest of their hand covered in black gloves. “he hates smokin ya know.” You almost dropped your cigarette down two floors when he spoke, no way could that rumbling, smoky voice be anything but male, the sentence punctuated by his own cloud of smoke he didn't bother to blow away from you. You frowned as he turned towards you, leaning on an elbow, the shadows still obscuring his face, even with the small ember from his cigarette clasped between his fingers.

“Who?” You asked cautiously, he was clearly talking to you, you wondered if it was a mistake to engage him. He just silently took another drag and you saw a flash of gold, maybe a tooth? He stayed silent so long you were sure maybe you had been mistaken and he wasn’t talking to you, he could be on the phone for all you knew, you didn’t have cool headphones like that but a lot of people did. “my bro.” You stayed silent, not sure if that was an answer to your question or if he was on the phone like you thought. It irked you enough to answer though, “Dunno how that concerns me, exactly, considering this is the first time we’ve spoken. Not that my answer would change if you or your brother meant anything to me.” You took an aggressive drag and blew it in his direction spitefully and looked away. You heard a slight scuff of his boots and you looked over, noticing he had moved to where he was a couple feet from the wall. Okay, he had been talking to you for sure and obviously took issue with your answer. “Doesn’t seem to stop  _ you _ anyway.” He just seemed to watch you from beneath his hood silently for a moment, it was pretty unnerving that you still couldn't see his face and you wanted to, if only so you could avoid him at all costs in the future  or report him to the police. Honestly you could just step away from the railing and he wouldn’t be able to see you but he hadn’t threatened you or anything, maybe it was just an awkward conversation starter and you ruined it by being caught off guard. You blinked as he chuckled and took a long drag, putting his features into relief against harsh orange light. You almost swallowed your tongue as an extremely tall, fanged skeleton regarded you with rusty orange eyelights. Your neighbors were monsters.

The light from the cherry died as he exhaled a pale cloud of smoke, but what made your heart leap into your throat was the pair of ember-orange eyelights still locked with yours. You almost crushed the remains of your smoke in your hand, holy shit that was scary, motherfucker looked like some sort of flameless Ghost Rider. “sweet dreams, human.” He rasped as he tossed the still lit cigarette into his fanged maw with a snap, disappearing from your view. You stood there wide-eyed long after you heard the soft slide of the other door closing. That had to be the most terrifying thing you had ever seen in your life, sure you had seen plenty of horror movies, but it was another to see shit like that in person. He had to be fucking with you, why else would he suddenly start chatting you up, talking about his brother like you knew him or cared what he thought about your bad habits, then that thing with his eyes- you shivered. Or the guy was just a creep, you had nothing against monsters personally, you had, and still do, a few monster friends from school and your uncle had married a nice snowdrake named Iceling last June. The way that guy had acted almost seemed intentional, like an act perfectly performed to unnerve you, and honestly he did a good job. He still didn’t seem malicious, just bad-humored, you still made a note to make sure and avoid him in the future, not that it had seemed too difficult a task until now. You quickly snuffed out your cigarette and absently were glad you had decided to quit, less opportunities for him to talk to catch you out here, even with the wall between you.

  
  


A month later and you had pretty much forgotten about the weird encounter with your neighbor on the balcony, you had pretty much managed to quit smoking cigarettes for the most part, but you still had a vice or two to go. You still had 11 months to go after all, you thought as you pulled your prize from the child-proof bag, gotta keep them kids out your weed I guess. You hummed happily and collected your favorite lime green pipe (it glowed in the dark!!!!) and headed outside. About ten minutes later you sighed after coughing out a cloud of skunky smoke, trying to be courteous and blow it away from your neighbors space, not because that weird skelton had said something about his brother but because it was just rude not to. You leaned over the railing and ashed the bowl, refilling it once more before taking another hit. “you gonna really hog all that?” You about hacked your heart out of your nose, almost sending the bowl to the ground when the raspy rumbling voice of your neighbor called out from the other side of the railing. “Holy shit!” You coughed, eyes watering as you spun to glare at the monster leaning casually against the railing. He regarded you silently, eyes trained on the smoldering pipe in your hand, ignoring your fight with your own lungs. You wheezed and finally got your coughs under control, “Fuck you man, don’t scare me like that.” His eyes hadn’t left your hands and you shoved the pipe and lighter towards him down the railing, of course he would be a mooch.

You silently passed the pipe a few more times until it was empty, “got some echo if ya want.” he said as you were about to head in. You glanced over at him in surprise, his eyelights were still sharp as they looked into your slightly glassy ones which cleared as you regarded him, your tolerance for thc was astronomical. You had heard of a few monster drugs, most plant or magic based, humans were strongly encouraged to stay away from the magic based ones due to human’s low tolerance for it. “It works kinda like weed right?” You weren’t sure why you hadn’t immediately declined, maybe because he hadn’t done anything weird like last time and I mean who doesn’t like free weed, you heard monster stuff was expensive as hell. He shrugged and held a slightly thicker-looking cigarette between his teeth, the paper it was rolled in a pale blue. He flicked the flame at the end and the end of the cigarette glowed like cold fire, drawing your curiosity. You didn’t like his lack of answer, and the fact you didn't even know this guy was a major factor. He took a few drags and you watched as he exhaled a thick blue smoke which smelled vaguely floral before offering it to you, his eyelights a bit fuzzy. You opened your mouth to decline when he suddenly turned towards his back door and waited a moment before he just walked away, leaving you stoned and confused. You eyed the rolled joint he left behind and went inside after waiting a moment to see if he would return, but the apartment stayed dark, leaving the long burnt-out joint in the ashtray that had found its way to the spot between you.

A few more months passed and the pattern continued of him bumming smokes (as you now only smoked rarely) and bowls from you, offering an echo joint every once in a while, he was never pushy about it, but he always offered even though you always declined. You were hanging out on your balcony, eyeing the few glimpses of the moon and stars you could see under the swaying canopy of branches, glass full of liquor resting on the rail next to you. You hadn’t drunk much, just enough to warm your stomach and put a small smile on your face, wondering if your spooky jerk of a neighbor might appear. Soon enough you heard the tell tale scuff of boots and turned your head to meet striking violet eyelights about two feet lower than you were used to and a sneer to finish off the acidic look in his eyes. “SO YOU ARE THE HUMAN MY BROTHER IS FRATERNIZING WITH LATE AT NIGHT,” You blinked at the booming haughty voice coming from the skeleton monster clothed in a leather jacket covering a deep purple button up shirt which you doubted ever had a single wrinkle form on it. There was a few small cracks radiating from his right socket, like he had taken a heavy blow to it. “I’M NOT SURE WHAT HE FINDS SO FASCINATING, YOU ARE AVERAGE AT BEST.” Okay, you could totally see why someone would punch this guy in the face, this was obviously the brother the taller monster mentioned frequently.

“You ain’t much of a looker yourself, pal.” The sneer dropped from his face in shock a moment before he doubled down and glared. “THOUGH NOW THAT YOU OPEN THAT UNATTRACTIVE GOB OF YOURS, I CAN SEE YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME TERRIBLE GRAMMAR AND RUDE MANNERISMS.” He barked as you downed half your glass, ignoring him. “YOU WILL NOT IGNORE ME HUMAN, I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR.” You rolled your eyes, kinda hard to ignore a guy basically screaming at you. Maybe you will take his brother up on that offer finally, you were already starting to form a headache from the shorter skeleton growling insults at you in his flowery way of speaking, so different from his brother’s. Maybe he was adopted…  _ Do monsters adopt? Oh, Chara was adopted by monsters wasn’t she? _

__ “OF COURSE THE KING AND QUEEN ADOPTED CHARA, BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING, YOU HUMANS ARE SO DAFT. IT IS TRULY BEYOND COMPREHENSION.” You wondered absently how he knew Chara personally as you eyed your empty glass,  _ whoops _ . You hadn’t meant to drink that so fast-  _ hic!  _ "IN ANY CASE THE BALCONY WITH A WALL BETWEEN IS NO WAY TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION, THOUGH YOU ARE- HUMAN! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I AM SPEAK-" You slid the sliding door shut softly, effectively silencing the noisy skeleton. A moment later you heard the neighboring one slam shut and some muffled yelling on the other side of the shared wall.  _ Hmm, bit louder than usual _ . You thought with catlike grin, glad to have made the night as annoying and rude for them as they have been to you the entire time they’ve interacted with you. But  _ you _ had alcohol, you giggled and poured another glass as you heard the one-sided yelling grow in volume.

A week later you sat on your deck later than usual, the moon high above your head, casting shards of moonlight through the branches of the willow trees. You sipped your glass of wine, not your usual alcoholic drink of choice, you usually went right for the hard liquor, but you had a shit week at work and supposedly wine was for relaxing. You rolled your eyes and took a drag of your cigarette, so much for that, you rubbed your temples in exasperation. “musta made an impression.” You were proud of yourself for not jumping, until you turned and saw the taller skeleton fully for the first time as he leaned against the wall on  _ your _ side of it. “he told me ta come invite you ta our place fer dinner.” You looked at the monster in disbelief, he regarded you silently with a neutral expression. His amber eyes glowed softly in the dark, matching the cherry on the end of his smoke as he brought it to his teeth and inhaled. You knew he was talking about his brother, he never talked about anyone else, or even spoke much at all, was a chore getting him to speak in anything but cynical sentence fragments. “And why do you think I would agree to  _ that _ ?” You rested your head on your hand and stared back, pretending to be unbothered by the man who had no way to realistically access your balcony like he had. His posture was in no way threatening, he was slouching as if to seem smaller, kept his distance to not crowd you, the only thing that made your hackles raise per se was the unwavering, cold, wolfish stare of his eyelights.

“wasn’t an offer.” You felt your lips slam down into a frown and and icy wash of unease fall over you. “Don’t like what you’re insinuating, bone man.” He continued to silently watch you and you returned the favor, his jacket seemed to be made of worn leather with a furred hood and cuffs, it seemed to fall a bit short on his long body, a dark orange cowl-necked sweater peeking out showing under the jacket. Ratty, dark skinny jeans covered his legs which ended in a pair of un-tied, worn combat boots, one foot planted against the wall to support his slouching lean. He finally just shrugged, finally breaking the staring contest, which you apparently won. It was your weekend, you weren't going anywhere. You leaned back in your chair, closing your eyes, maybe he would get the hint. A few minutes later you opened your eyes and he was gone. You looked around, you figured you would have heard him up on the railing. Assuming that's how he got over, considering he had no way to come in through the house, he really only had that option. You shrugged and finished your wine, heading inside you paused and checked the door and the chain, both locked and in place. Who knows, maybe he could fly, not like you had met Skeleton monsters before. "Not like I plan on being BFFs or anything."

The following night you tossed your phone on the couch in annoyance, you were supposed to go over to your friends place and hang out as you hadn't seen them much since moving to another city. However they all had some sort of sickness that you were not into catching. You groaned and flopped in an armchair, you were dressed and ready to go by the time someone bothered to tell you. "Great, guess it's another night here… alone… sweet." You rubbed your temples in frustration and disappointment. A brisk knock sounded at your door and you sat up in confusion, a second later the knock repeated insistently. You grumbled and walked to the door, pulling it open to reveal an unfortunately familiar skeleton.

"AH HUMAN, GOOD, YOU ARE ALMOST READY FOR DINNER, I SHALL WAIT HERE WHILE YOU CHANGE."  _ Lol, wut.  _ You planted a hand on your hip and stared down, well up, he was a few inches taller than you, the violet eyed skeleton. You'd think his eyes were pretty if he weren't so rude. The skeleton blinked, a slight violet flush staining his cheekbones. "So, what exactly is wrong with my outfit and I don't recall agreeing to go to dinner with you. Do you even know my name?" You said snarkily, these boys were out of their damn minds. He frowned and jerked his head to the side, "MUTT, YOU USELESS MORON, DID YOU NOT DELIVER MY INVITATION?" The taller skeleton slinked into view, sockets hooded, amber eyelights smoldering.

"of course, milord." Your brow furrowed, weren't they brothers? The venom in the shorter brothers voice seemed awfully real for it to be just sibling banter. "THEN WHY IS SHE NOT DRESSED AND READY?" The taller skeleton,  _ Mutt was it? Monsters sure have odd naming conventions,  _ looked down at his brother for a moment, slowly brought his eyelights to you, slowly scanned your body and  _ slowly _ drug his gaze back to his brother and shrugged, "she looks dressed to me, milord." The violet eyed skeleton bared his pointed teeth and thrust a black-gloved fist toward his brothers face and shook it. "I WILL HAVE NONE OF YOUR WISE-CRACKS THIS EVENING AND I SWEAR IF I HEAR A SINGLE PUN, YOU WILL HAVE TO REPLACE MORE TEETH."

"of course, milord."  _ Yikes _ . You weren't sure what was going on, but a bit too kinky for your tastes. You stepped back from the door and closed it only to have it halt the last few inches. "HUMAN, I SHALL HAVE MY BROTHER ASSIST YOU WITH FINDING SUITABLE CLOTHING," you jerked the door back open if only to slam it this time, you were not having this controlling bullshit, they were fucking weirdos. You honestly should call the cops, though you loathed to do so, most cops were prejudiced against monsters still, even after all this time they had been on the surface. You were afraid they would take it too far instead of just a warning, there would be dust scattered across the hall, and neither of them had threatened you, they were just very... aggressive in their approach.

You groaned as the door refused to budge,  _ Why me, _ "Whyyyy?" The shorter skeleton continued on, answering a question you weren't really asking him, "FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE VERY IMPORTANT WHEN MEETING NEIGHBORS AND I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS, NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD AND HIS BROTHER. DO NOT WORRY HUMAN, IF THERE IS NOTHING SUITABLE, MUTT SHALL PROCURE SOMETHING APPROPRIATE." Your jaw had to be on the ground as 'the captain of the royal guard', whatever that fucking meant, marched away in the direction of the neighboring apartment. Mutt slunk past you, almost unnoticed in your shock.

"Hey! I didn't say come in!" By the time you turned around the skeleton was sprawled on your couch, boots just barely hanging off the sofa. His sweater had ridden up a bit as he stretched his arms behind his neck, exposing his lower ribs and the tops of his pelvis. Honestly something about it made you feel like a pervert for looking. "like em  _ bony _ , huh?" You'd like to say you had the usual witty retort but you choked on your spit instead having been caught staring at his bones. "sorry, i tend to leave em  _ breathless _ ." Ughhhhh. What was this guys deal?

"You're a real chatty cathy tonight, bone boy." You finally croaked at him, he grinned, and it was all teeth, still sprawled on your couch like it was his own. " _ toad _ you it wasn't an offer." You grit your teeth in annoyance, now you could see why his brother had threatened him, two minutes of this and you were ready to jump out the nearest window or knock out some teeth of your own. He finally stood and shuffled towards your bedroom, suddenly moving much quicker than before, but still slow for the average person. You sprinted around him and slammed the door, you had a few, um,  _ personal _ items out that you  _ really _ didn't need him to see. He had halted barely an inch in front of you where you had pressed yourself to the door. Luckily most of your nicer clothes are in your second bedroom so they wouldn't get wrinkled. "You ain't getting in here bub. Clothes are in there," you jerked a thumb to the opened door next to your closed one. His eyelights slowly moved to the opened door then back down to your face before he turned and entered the other room. At least the most embarrassing thing in the other room was just your anime underwear in the bottom drawer.

Which is exactly what you found the  little  big perv rifling through as you entered the room. "Stars! Is nothing sacred in my life anymore?" The skeleton hummed neutrally as he sorted through your undergarments. "Okay! I'll bite!" You said sarcastically, "Why are you rifling through my underwear? Usually I’m not opposed to a guy tossin my panties, but seriously? You guys ain't seeing those so I dunno why you're in there." He ignored you and pulled open a couple more drawers before he seemed satisfied with what he found. You really didn't care that he was going through your drawers, it was just underwear, pretty much everyone wore them. What bothered you is he just suddenly seemed to forge on ahead regardless of what you said, he had always respected your space, until tonight after his brother basically ordered him to dress you. You hoped he seriously didn’t think you were going to go along with this, part of you was still hoping this was some elaborate joke.

“Seriously dude, what the hell?” He stood and started through your closet, selecting a few things (all dark colored dresses). “Mutt! Answer me!” His hand froze for a moment on one of your favorite dresses before gently taking it off the rack and turning towards you. “getting you dressed in something suitable for milord, as he requested, mistress.” He had finally given you his full attention, eyelights bright and trained on your face, even under the indoor lighting they glowed.

You wrinkled your nose, "Don't bring me into your scene man, I still don't understand why you guys are harassing me." He of course chose not to answer and instead handed you the chosen items. You sighed and took the dress and underthings, his shoulders seemed to relax slightly as you did. "Get out, I'll change, you guys better be good cooks or have something even better ordered." Mutt slunk slowly out of the room, door closing silently behind him. You heard him walk down the hall, assuming he went to wait in the living room you started to change. You eyed the underwear he chose and looked at yourself in the mirror.  _ What the hell is my life?  _ You knew most monsters were almost aggressively friendly once they decided they liked someone but this was just weird.

You stepped out of the other room, passing the door to your room, which was slightly ajar letting some faint light from your bedside table leak into the hallway. You rounded the corner to the living room to see Mutt in the same position as earlier, sprawled all over your couch like he belonged there. You noted that he at least still kept his boots off the couch, though you bet his brother would have something to say if he didn’t. Something told you Mutt was the unruly brother, who liked to toe the line just to irk his sibling. “Hey, what's your brother’s name, neither of you have actually introduced yourselves, you know?” He looked up from his phone lazily and paused as his eyelights landed on you.

“mutt’s fine… my bro likes... captain.” He muttered as he stood, tapping something out on his phone before sliding it into his pocket. You frowned, you didn’t mind calling them by their preferred names but you would like to know their actual ones. You let it slide for now and instead ribbed him as he stood before you, “Well, why do I have to dress up and you get a pass?” He handed you a pair of low heels and you raised your brow at him. “i don’t look near as good as you in a dress.” You flushed and snorted, “Yeah, nice deflection. Still, can’t imagine your brother would let you get away with that, he seems to be a man of high standards.” You were teasing, but it also seemed to ring true as Mutt grinned, lazily offering you an elbow as you stepped into your heels. “nothin’ but tha best for the captain of the royal guard.” That… fell a little flat.

“What's that about?” Mutt’s expression twitched a bit. “The captain of the royal guard thing?” He frowned. “forgot ya don’t know nuthin about us.” He shook his head, “‘s why he’s mad at me, keep forgettin’... my bro’s the captain of the monster royal guard. he’s so cool.”  _ Well, uh, that's really impressive actually _ . You thought and told Mutt as such. It admittedly made you a bit nervous, kind of like when you’re driving perfectly normally and legally and a cop happens to get in traffic behind you and you’re terrified they might find  _ some  _ reason to take you to jail forever- “whadda ya mean?” You blinked as Mutt interrupted your train of thought, voice a bit icy. You looked up at the skeleton whos arm you were still grasping, his eyelights were like chips of icy amber. “You know that's not how I meant that.” That would be impressive for anyone to achieve that in life before they were middle aged at least- not that you knew how old the boys were, not that it really mattered you supposed. You knew monsters had longer lifespans, much longer than yours anyway. Mutt seemed to have frozen in place, trapping your arm against his side and refusing to release it. “Dude, seriously? Of course that's impressive! That’s a great accomplishment for  _ anyone  _ to get in life.”

Mutt’s sockets had widened down at you in surprise, “I don’t hand out compliments lightly you half-priced Halloween decoration, and I really don’t like what you were insinuating about me.” His posture had relaxed, and he leaned over you to open your front door. “If I had a  _ problem  _ with you guys I wouldn’t be talking to you, you know that.” He just hummed as you stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind you, taking your keys from your hand and locking the door. He returned your keys and followed closely behind you as you started to walk, almost crowding you compared to earlier.

He smoothly opened the door to his and his brother’s apartment and allowed you in before him. It was much like your own, but mirrored in floor plan, the accent wall was a different color and the furniture was much more modern and new than your own. Most people would probably feel embarrassed at someone who lived in a place decorated like this having been in their comparatively shabbily-furnished apartment. You mentally shrugged, you weren’t a materialistic person and you didn’t judge those who were. Mutt gently pressed a hand to your lower back and escorted you to the kitchen where something with taco spices was being cooked by the smell permeating the apartment. You entered the kitchen to see Captain humming to himself while he tossed something easily in a pan. He did cut a clean figure, a long sleeve white button up rolled up to his elbows, buttoned to his neck with one undone and a burgundy tie, exposing the thick bones of his forearms and neatly tucked into his slacks. A blue-violet damask-patterned silk vest shifted colors in the recessed lighting, complimenting the royal color of his eyelights, charcoal slacks with a black belt and dark brown leather oxford shoes finished the look. Mutt reached around from behind you and closed your jaw as he passed with a chuckle. “flies, darlin'.” You scowled at his back, “What? I got eyes.” He just chuckled again as his brother turned with a pleased expression.

“AH HUMAN! RIGHT ON TIME FOR MY WONDERFUL BURRITOS.” You smiled at his exuberance, he was a cocky little shit but the food smelled good if a bit spicy. It wasn’t exactly a dinner you expected with the level of dress-up required, but you wouldn’t pass up a free meal. “MUTT! WHY ARE YOU STILL WEARING THAT! GO CHANGE!” Mutt huffed a ‘ _ yes, milord. _ ’ before he yawned and landed on the couch. “NOW, MUTT.”

“ok.”

“MUTT, YOU ARE BEING VERY DISRESPECTFUL.”

“ok.” 

“GO CHANGE OR I SHALL PUT YOU ON AMBASSADORIAL DUTIES FOR A MONTH.” Mutt was gone into what you presumed was his room before Captain finished his threat. “AND PICK UP YOUR STARSDAMNED SOCKS. IT’S EMBARRASSING.” You heard a very quiet ‘ok.’ from the other room and the rustle of clothing. Captain turned towards you with a fanged smile, you could almost believe he wasn’t screeching at his brother a moment ago. “So how long have you been captain of the Royal Guard?” He puffed out his chest and a slight flush spread across his cheeks in pride.

“I HAVE BEEN CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD FOR TEN YEARS, I AM FLATTERED YOU HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH ON ME HUMAN! I MEAN OF COURSE YOU WOULD, AFTER ALL I AM THE MALEVOLENT SANS, CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD, EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS INTERESTING.” His narcissism still rubbed you the wrong way but he said it all in such a matter of fact way it softened the words. “yer tha coolest, bro.” Mutt reappeared from his room, he said the words to his brother but he was looking at you. You swallowed heavily,  _ Oh shit, they both clean up well. _ Mutt wore a burnt orange silk button up, left open at the neck and lacking a tie, unlike his brother, and only half-tucked in, but also wore a silk vest in a black and burnt orange brocade. His slacks were black and slightly wrinkled, his shoes worn black loafers. This time you felt Captain’s fingers gently close your jaw. “FLIES, MY DEAR. MY BROTHER DOES CLEAN UP QUITE WELL, I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR SHOCK.” Mutt gave you a wink as he passed by you. You gave him a playful glare which turned to a yelp as he grabbed your ass as he brushed unnecessarily close behind you. “MUTT KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.”

“wasn’t me, milord.” Captain froze as he finished putting the burritos on a baking pan which he slammed down on the counter and turned, glaring up at his brother who, though slouching almost a foot shorter still towered over you and Captain. “OH? DO TELL WHO ELSE JUST GRABBED THE HUMAN WITHOUT CONSENT?” Mutt shrugged, looking completely unmoved by his brother who was gripping the edge of the counter in his hands and glaring up at him. “musta been you, milord.” You covered your mouth as you snorted at the nonsensical logic, Captain’s face turned bright violet in anger at his brother’s antic and he shrieked. “I WOULD NEVER TOUCH A WOMAN LIKE THAT, YOU ARE DEPLORABLE.” You leaned your head on your elbow on the counter dramatically and pouted at the shorter skeleton, “Not even if I asked nicely?” Captain sputtered as Mutt snorted, “HUMAN DO NOT INSINUATE SUCH VULGAR THINGS IN MY KITCHEN!” He then leaned down over the counter, sockets lidded as he leaned in close, “Save That For Dessert, Dearest.”  _ Oh. That backfired. _ You hadn’t expected that smooth, deep, growl to leave his throat, his breath fanning your face as his fingers gripped your chin to trap you in the glittering amethyst fire that made up his pupils. You could feel the flush spread across your face and suppressed the urge to shift your thighs needily.

Where were the awkwardly friendly brothers from before? Who replaced them with these smooth boys with wandering hands and eyes. “bro, yer burritos.” Captain’s sockets widened in horror before he turned back to the oven to see- his burritos still on top perfectly fine. Mutt had gently placed an arm around your shoulders and led you through the kitchen towards the living room away from his brother’s screeches and pan-slamming. He held open the sliding door for you and you stepped outside, it was always odd seeing someone elses things in a house like yours and the balcony was no exception. You walked past the elegant patio furniture and leaned against the rail, looking down you smiled, “You can see the pond, I’m jealous.” Mutt hummed as he leaned his back against the rail, offering you his lit smoke. You took it carefully from his hand, you always liked the graceful thinness of the bones in his hands, you always wanted to ask if it was just magic or if something else held his bones together. You sighed, he probably knew as much about how his body worked as the average human did theirs, which to say usually wasn’t much. You took a drag and immediately hacked up your lungs, holy shit that was strong.

You looked at the cigarette in your hand closer and saw a familiar blue wrap,  _ welp, I’m gonna be fucked up _ . “You're an ass.” Mutt just silently took it from you and took a drag himself before popping the butt in his mouth with a chomp. “Why do you eat it?” He leaned back on both his elbows before looking at you, “magic is magic.” He shrugged, “food is food.” That weirdly sounded less enthusiastic if possible. Your eyes felt dry and you resisted to rub at them, sure they were red as hell, “Great, actually get invited over and you get me fucking blazed. Your brother is gonna be pissed.”

“I’M GOING TO BE PISSED ABOUT WHAT?” You stiffened at the voice calling from the door, you glared at Mutt who was calmly looking at his brother as if you were just having a friendly chit chat.  _ Fucking prick. _ “I figured that you would be angry if we didn’t go back inside soon as I’m sure you have almost finished dinner and it would be rude of me as a guest to not see if you needed any help.” You said smoothly as you turned, praying to the stars you didn’t look as fucked up as you felt. Captain stood in the open doorway, dim light outlining him with a smug look on his face as he snarked at his brother, “SEE MUTT, THE HUMAN HAS ONLY BEEN IN OUR HOME FIFTEEN MINUTES AND SHE IS ALREADY MORE USEFUL THAN YOU. MUCH EASIER ON THE EYES AS WELL.” You blinked in surprise, this skeleton’s opinion on your appearance seemed to have shifted dramatically, you were sure to get some whiplash.

“of course, milord.” He said as he walked inside, slipping around his brother and once again leaving you to fend for yourself. “WELL HUMAN, COME INSIDE, I KNOW HOW SENSITIVE YOUR PATHETIC FLESH IS TO THE ELEMENTS. MOVE QUICKLY, I AM LOATHE TO REFIRE THE FOOD, IT IS BEST CONSUMED FRESH FROM THE OVEN.” You hummed, those burritos did sound really good. “Of course, milord.” You muttered as you passed him, he sputtered behind you. “HUMAN YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY MORONIC YOUNGER BROTHER, HE IS RUBBING OFF ON YOU.”

“But, Captain, he hasn’t even fed me dinner, I would never let him rub off on me for less than a burrito.” You heard Mutt cackle loudly from the kitchen area, even you had to snort, that one just rolled right off your tongue, damn him for getting you stoned as hell, it seemed to be getting worse by the minute. You yelped as you felt yourself yanked backward and pressed into the wall beside the sliding door. You shivered as you felt Captain press his nasal ridge to your neck and inhale. “I See My Brother Has Been Playing His Games Again. Do Not Call Me Captain Unless I Am At Work Or…” His grip became more firm on your jaw as he licked a stripe up your neck with a glowing violet tongue, his femur shoved between your thighs causing you to gasp. “You Want Me To _ Fuck You Against The Nearest  _ **_S u r f a c e_ ** , Otherwise I Will Allow You To Call Me Sans.” You almost whimpered as you felt his teeth press against your neck-

“milor’, dinner if g’tting c-ld.” Mutt mumbled around a mouthful of burrito as he leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, eyelights blazing into yours from across the room where his brother had pinned you to the wall.  Captain  Sans sighed against your neck before releasing you, one hand trailing down your arm from your pinned wrist and the other sliding from your neck to your waist before he took in your expression and strolled away with a satisfied smirk. “What the shit?” You exhaled, eyes wide. “LANGUAGE DEAREST, HURRY BEFORE DINNER GETS COLD.” Mutt snickered as you walked by him and you shoved him into the wall in retaliation, though you were sure he let you shove him. You then took a massive bite out of the side of his burrito before wandering into the dining room area to his muffled laughter.

Dinner was actually pleasant, you were honestly glad you went, Sans was a surprisingly great cook and Mutt kept Sans from talking about himself too much by moving the condiments around when his brother wasn’t looking and incurring his wrath and a lecture about why each condiment sat where it did. That didn’t mean Sans was the  _ only _ target for his pranks however, your fork went missing so you took Mutt’s which also went missing so you took Sans’ and blamed his brother who looked at you with fake shock. “i would neva take milord’s cutlery.” You just shrugged at him with fake innocence, “How could I do it? I’m across the table from him! Also I am a guest and that would be very rude to steal my host’s silverware for childish amusement.” Sans’ eye sockets were narrowed on the pair of you as you both tried to play the worst game of Clue he had ever witnessed. “milord you can’t possibly believe her over your own brother!” Mutt said with honestly a pretty convincing pout, even with the maw full of fangs it still came across as a kicked puppy look instead of wolfish like you expected. Sans just narrowed his sockets, plate clear except for a single forkful of rice, hence the issue about the missing silverware.

“YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN UTTERLY RIDICULOUS THE WHOLE NIGHT. MUTT HAND OVER THE FORK IMMEDIATELY.” Mutt blinked, shocked, “i uh, don’t have it milord.” Sans raised his brow at his brother, “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR NONSENSE MUTT, SURRENDER MY SILVERWARE OR PREPARE FOR PUNISHMENT.” You bit your lips in laughter as Mutt looked at you pleadingly. You gave Mutt an innocent look as you licked some salsa off of the fork previously belonging to Sans. “You better hand it over, he looks serious.” You mumbled around the fork in your mouth, you didn’t know what it was but it was really satisfying to see him off his game. You wouldn’t drag this out too far, just enough to really make him sweat, surely Sans wasn’t going to hurt him. “ALRIGHT DEAREST, I BELIEVE WE HAVE TORMENTED MY POOR BROTHER ENOUGH, THOUGH I DO ENJOY SEEING HIM GET A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.” You carefully schooled your expression before looking back at Sans innocently, you weren’t sure how well you did as you were sure Sans knew it really was you. He had known his brother for a long time of course so would know when he was telling the truth. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t see what you could get away with, and this wonderful idea had nothing to do with the echo flower joint from earlier or the wine they had given you at dinner. Usually you weren’t a fan of wine, but monster drinks and candies were known for their distinct non-licorice flavor. You hated licorice so this was a plus to you, the flavor of the wine at dinner had tasted vaguely familiar but the conversation had prevented you from really asking about it Not that you would ever be able to afford it, unless you were a monster or bonded (married) to one, their food was quite expensive as monsters required daily magic intake via food and humans did not, monsters received a discount. As you were neither bonded or a monster yourself you had always enjoyed the treats your friends would share with you when you were younger, your favorite had always been this quiche you had a few years back.

_ “Who made the quiche?” You said, shoving another forkful into your mouth, you fucking loved quiche. You hummed happily, “It's so good dude.” Your friend hummed and looked around the room, “Uh, I think that Chara girl brought it.” You blinked, you knew for a fact Chara was a terrible cook, so it must have been her dad. He always made the best pies, but a quiche was pretty unusual for him, he usually stuck to double crusted pies and hardly ever did savory ones, unless you counted his snail pies. Admittedly they were good, but it had taken you a few weeks before you tried a bite. You had eventually ran into Chara in the bathroom later and asked her if she had brought the quiche. She had perked up instantly, asking you what you thought. “Dude, I fucking love quiche so I’m being honest when I say that was the best fucking thing I’ve ever had.” She had grinned widely, “I told him it was good! Stupid bonehead!” You had laughed. _

_ “Of course it's good, your dad makes the best anything!” Chara had waved a hand, correcting you, “Oh no! My dad didn’t make that, Uncle Rus did. Though he has been taking lessons from Dad when he’s not at work, aw man he's gonna blush when I tell him.” You had laughed with her and then her eyes had lit up, “I’m gonna call him.” A moment later she had her phone pressed to her ear, “Hey Uncle Rus, I was right, it was good!” She scowled at the phone, “No I didn’t pay anyone to eat it! She loves quiche!” She groaned, “No, that means she's  _ **_extra_ ** _ picky about it!” She finally screeched and thrust the phone at you, “Oh my stars, just tell him, he won’t listen to me!” You fumbled the scarily light phone and stared at her, “What the shit Chara!” _

_ “Ugh, just tell him what you think about it before he hangs up!” You nervously pressed the phone to your ear, “Um, hi, your quiche was good, I don’t know why you don’t think so, but that was honestly the best thing I’ve ever had and I’m not just saying that.” You heard nothing but silence on the other end and cautiously pulled the phone away from your ear to see if it was still connected. Chara snatched the phone from your hand and tapped a few buttons on the screen before cackling wildly. “That was even better than I expected!” She flashed her screen towards you and you saw a blurred image of pale skin and a bright orange flush. Obviously a monster of some sort, picture having been taking via video chat if the small vaguely demonic picture of Chara in the corner was any indication. She wiped a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye, “Thanks for helping me out, maybe he’ll stop listening to Captain Killjoy and listen to me more.” She slipped by you and said you were welcome to take home the leftovers, letting you know he put just enough magic in there to make it last a month in the fridge. You had gaped at her “Dude I’m gonna eat the whole thing tonight and you know it.” She laughed as the door swung closed behind her. _

Sans stared you down, almost seeming to dare you to keep up the bullshit, your eyes slowly slid towards Mutt who looked to be hanging on for your response. You couldn’t really read his expression well to know if Sans actually was tolerating the teasing well, you did know Mutt better but honestly it wasn’t by much considering this was the longest you had ever spent around each other. You silently slipped the fork from between your lips and offered it to Sans who sighed and rubbed his temples before taking the fork from you. He finished his meal and you stood, gathering the plates much to his surprise, “HUMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” You rolled your eyes and headed towards the kitchen, “I’m washing the dishes- unless you have a thing about others washing your dishes?” Some people really were particular about how the dishes were cleaned. Something glinted in his eye a moment before he waved his hand imperiously, “I’M SURE YOU WILL DO A TERRIBLE JOB, HUMANS HAVE NO ATTENTION TO DETAIL, BUT THE SENTIMENT IS APPRECIATED.” so basically he thought you would do a shit job, but appreciated the pre-soak. You rolled your eyes and headed towards the kitchen, “Grab the leftovers,” You said, glancing at Mutt who was fiddling with the box of smokes in his pocket. He eyed you a moment, eyes following your figure as you disappeared into the kitchen with the dirty dishes, the sounds of water flowing and glass clinking floated through the opening a moment later. He sat there a moment longer before slowly standing and snapping his fingers, various foods and condiments floating through the air, outlined in a rusty glow before he and the remnants of dinner vanished from his brother’s view. Sans sighed and rubbed his temple again, “Lazy Fucking Dog.”

You paused in your dishwashing, you felt someone standing incredibly close behind you, the presence felt heavy and dark, menacing. You felt your joints lock, you had been better at seninsing Mutt but this felt nothing like him or his brother, it felt  _ empty _ . You could always vaguely sense people or monsters around you, animals were the most difficult for you to sense. Whatever was behind you felt kind of like an animal but with the heavy presence of a monster but cold and biting, not the usual warmth you associated them with. As you were about to turn, it vanished, and your muscles relaxed as you heard the fridge open with a gentle clink and you heard Mutt putting away a few bottles. When you had seen him down a bottle of BBQ sauce straight from the fridge you had gagged, the texture had to be  _ awful _ . You finishished the last few dishes and turned to package up the leftover burritos, Sans had made a ridiculous amount, they were good but holy shit. You packaged up the burritos and walked over to where Mutt was still putting away things in the fridge. He hummed and took a few packages from you, carefully dividing them between the massive fridge and freezer. As you brought him the last of the packages you saw him pull out a small pie plate from the bottom shelf and set it off to the side on the counter to make room before taking the last few from you. You eyed the plate curiously and wandered over to see what it was, a mushroom and spinach quiche with ¼ of it missing, wrapped messily in cellophane. It wasn’t the best looking thing but you were sure it was good. You pouted, sad you were too full from dinner to ask for a piece.

Mutt hummed and closed the fridge to see you eyeing the quiche and grabbed it, heading towards the trash. You grabbed his arm and halted him, “You’re gonna toss it?” Mutt raised a brow and nodded at you. “Why?” He tilted his head to the side, “no room in tha fridge.” You frowned and looked at the pie in his hand. “Can… Can I have it? I’ll return the plate of course. I just really like quiche.” He gave you an unreadable expression before handing it to you. You beamed up at him, “Did Sans make this too?” You asked, happy with your prize. “nah, he don’t like it.” Mutt wandered from the room, pulling out a pack of smokes. You shrugged,  _ I suppose it doesn’t matter who made it. _ Pretty much any monster you had met was at the very least a decent cook, one of your friends told you a lot of old cooking show dvds along with bootleg anime had made its way into the underground when you had commented on his ability to turn convenience store food into a gourmet meal.

You wandered back into the dining room to see Sans staring after his brother as he slipped out the back door. He stared silently at the closed door a moment longer before turning to you, stiffening slightly like he hadn’t noticed you before looking down at the plate in your hands. “THE BIN IS UNDER THE SINK IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO TOSS THAT.” He said with distaste, “I KNOW I TOLD HIM TO THROW THAT ABOMINATION AWAY THE OTHER DAY.” You frowned and almost held the delicate glass plate defensively, “Hey! I really like quiche! Your brother said I could have it.” Sans sneered at the poor egg pie. “PIES SHOULD NOT BE SAVORY!” You cocked a hand on your hip. “Snail pies.” The violet-eyed skeleton blinked, looking stumped. “Ha! Didn’t think I knew about those didja!” He scowled at you, “FINE, TAKE IT, MAKE SURE YOU RETURN THE PLATE IN A TIMELY MANNER HUMAN, OR I’LL SEND MUTT TO RETRIEVE IT, REGARDLESS IF YOU ARE FINISHED WITH IT OR NOT.” You looked like the cat that got the cream.

“Make Sure You Say GoodnightTo My Brother, Human.” Sans said as you stood by the back door, nicely packaged pie plate in hand. He may have made a stink about the contents, but Sans was ever the perfect host and provided you with a bag to carry it in, again threatening you with having his brother perform a B & E to retrieve both items. You nodded and set the bag on the edge of the table. “Sure, if he holds still long enough.” Sans actually laughed at that, it changed his whole face, washing away the heavy coat of responsibility he seemed to wear, making it easy for you to imagine him when he was a bit younger. “YES, FOR ONE SO LAZY, MY BROTHER SURE DOES HAVE A KNACK FOR DISAPPEARING WHEN EFFORT IS INVOLVED.” Sans stood, “You heading to bed?” You asked, checking the time on your phone, it was past one in the morning. He nodded tiredly, stepping around the table in your direction.

“Well, thank you for inviting me over, dinner was really good! You guys should come over to my place sometime.” You saw small stars appear in place of his usual eyelights a moment before he coughed into his fist, flushing slightly as he looked to the side, the other arm folded behind his back. You grinned before wrapping your arms around his surprisingly solid frame, “You guys are so cute when you blush.” You felt his arms finally return the hug, having recovered from the initial shock of a human besides Chara instigating physical affection with him. You pulled back and he slowly released you, he seemed like he wanted to say something before shaking his head slightly and gesturing towards the door. “DO NOT STAY UP TOO LATE HUMAN.” You pecked him on the cheekbone and opened the back door, “G’night Captain.” You swiftly exited the apartment as you heard a feral growl much closer than anticipated behind you. You yelped, having not quite closed the door in time to avoid complete punishment, right ass cheek stinging from the slap of his bony palm.

You rubbed your ass laughing as Mutt turned his hood-covered head in your direction as he leaned over the railing, smoke in hand. “mmm, yer gonna pay fer that later, darlin’.” You just grinned wider, “Stars I hope so.” You replied dramatically with a cheeky wink, you were teasing… well… sort of. He snorted and exhaled, smoke curling out between his jaws, “don come cryin ta me when he makes yer ass red as yer face.” You went to slug him in the arm but he dodged smoothly, “Jerk…” He just eyed you from the side neutrally, “he go ta bed?” You nodded up at him, he hummed and looked back out on the barely visible pond, taking another drag before offering it to you. You took it with a shrug, you didn’t have anywhere to be, taking a drag you watched the branches of the willow trees sway. “Feel free to tell me to fuck off, but are you and your brother alright?” You felt more than saw Mutt stiffen next to you. “Sorry, don’t mean to stick my fleshy nose in your business, forget I said anything.” He shifted his weight slightly, though he didn’t move away. “...we ain’t seein’ eye ta eye lately.” He finally said, surprising you as you offered the joint back. You nodded, “I get it, siblings are tough sometimes, I’m around if you guys need to talk it out.” He just hummed and watched the sliver of moon between the swaying branches. It wasn’t a bad way to end the night, you hummed as the branches gently swirled with color, the longer you stood there the heavier your lids felt. A soft clink of glass woke you, ignoring it, you snuggled into the soft, tobacco-scented jacket of the person carrying you, you were too tired to open your eyes and the gentle swaying of their footsteps lulled you right back to sleep, something to be embarrassed about later. You awoke one more time as you were shifted from the sturdy warm arms to the chilled sheets of your bed. 

Cracking open your eyes you saw Mutt pulling your sheets over you, having pulled off your heels. You grinned up at him dopily, the ceiling swirling with color and sparkles, reaching up you over compensated and instead of gently touching the side of the face you all but full-force palmed his face. To his credit he took it in stride, taking your hand gently and pressed his teeth to your palm, causing you to giggle. “go ta sleep, darlin’, ya gotta sleep all that magic off.” You scrunched up your face, “Pfffffft- okay  _ Dad _ .” He tilted a brow at you, “quit yer whinin or i’ll get ma bro an’ we’ll give ya somethin ta whine about, an ya won’ like it coz he hates bein woken up.” You frowned at him, he shook his head wryly when you gave it serious consideration. “go ta sleep.” He said, pointing a long phalange in your face, you replied by showing him a finger of your own and he chuckled, clicking off the bedside lamp. “g’nigh darlin’,” he drawled, the only light in the room coming from his burning eyelights which too swirled in with the rest of the colors until sleep claimed you once more.


	2. Igniting Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whats red and striped and painted all over your back?

You hadn’t shown your face to either of the brothers in a week, you couldn’t believe you acted like that. You were even avoiding the quiche sitting accusingly in your fridge way at the back. You partially blamed Mutt for getting you high as fuck, but really it was all on you, luckily they were decent guys. You'd be hard pressed to say they were good. You had even started going out to smoke at different times, earlier when you were sure Mutt wouldn’t be around, you had been trying to work up the courage to apologize when a knock sounded at your door. You opened it to reveal Mutt looking at you wearily, you felt your face pink in embarrassment. “Uh, hey.” You opened the door further and stepped back, “You wanna come in?” He eyed your nervous expression before shrugging and skulking past you. He sat heavily down on your couch and threw a leg up on his knee, hands still in the pocket of his usual jacket, hood pulled up as he regarded you.

“me an ma bro gotta go outta town fer work, feed ma pet rocc and water ma bros plants while we're gone.” You blinked, okay maybe you were the only one hung up on last weekend, and you were going to pretend he was asking, not demanding you help them.

“Uh sure, no problem, when are you leaving?” He looked out the window a moment before looking back at you, “bout now. was gonna tell ya earlier, but ya been like a ghost.”

Your face blanched and you blushed, “I’m- uh, well,” his sockets narrowed on you, “I’m sorry for being- uh,” you wrung your hands, you hadn’t managed to find exactly what you were going to say, “I was pretty messed up last weekend and I’m sorry for coming on to you guys like that and making you carry me home.” Well, I guess word vomit works.

Mutt stared at you for a moment before bursting into loud, open mouth cackles. You glared at him as he wiped a tear from his socket, “nyeh heh heh! you- pfft!  _ that’s  _ why you been avoidin us like- nyeh heh heh! wait til ma bro hears! pfft! you humans are fuckin weird, told him you’d take it too serious-  _ nyeh-heh-heh! _ ” Your face was on fire as you glared at him harder, starting to walk away, if he was going to be a jerk- “nyeh? wait- wait,” He stood and grabbed your wrist, pulling you into a hug, pressing your face into his ribs.

“You know I can still hear you snickering- is your phone ringing?” You could hear a faint melody coming from him, though you couldn’t quite tell what it was, it was really quiet. As soon as you started to make out the melody it stopped as Mutt looked down at you confused and a bit guarded, “no.” You frowned but shrugged, “Maybe I was hearing things.” He looked skeptical but let it go.

He finally released you as his cackles calmed, honestly laughter was a good look for both him and his brother, you knew it had been hard underground and even harder above it for monsters, but you couldn’t imagine dealing with all that  _ and _ an important position in the government. “So uh, how long are you guys gonna be gone for?”

He sobered up at your question and looked you casually in the eye, “dunno.” You nodded, he probably couldn’t actually tell you anyway, “longer than usual.” You nodded again, probably the best answer he could give you and he probably wasn’t even really supposed to say that much. He dangled a key in your face, attached to a dog-bone keychain. “i’ll get it from ya when we get back.” Mutt strode towards your front door, “c’mon, milords waitin'.” You gave him a look of disbelief as he strolled back out your front door, not waiting for you. You sighed and followed him to the apartment next door, resigned to being their pet human. He opened it without ceremony and you could hear Sans yelling at someone, he paused intermittently and you assumed he was on the phone and he sounded pissed.

“IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YOU PATHETIC MAGGOT, YOU BETTER HAVE THE BEST TO GUARD HER, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER WHILE I’M NOT PRESENT I’LL-” You rounded the corner and he ended the call abruptly with a jab of his thumb on the screen as his eyelights fell on you. “-HELLO HUMAN, I SEE MY BROTHER HAS MANAGED TO FINALLY LOCATE YOU.” You had to admit, the man recovered quickly, though the violet sweat beading on his skull gave away his nerves, which you gracefully chose to ignore.

“Hello, Sans, Mutt says you guys have work?” You saw his shoulders relax and his expression become a bit more haughty.

“YES HUMAN, WHILE WE ARE GONE YOU ARE TO WATER MY PLANTS AND TAKE CARE OF MY BROTHER’S PET ROCC, STARS KNOWS THE POOR THING NEEDS SOMEONE MORE-" he eyed you, " _ NURTURING _ TO CARE FOR IT.” You blinked at Sans and crossed your arms.

“Think you’re forgetting something, bub.” Sans narrowed his eyes in confusion before looking at his brother who just shrugged.

“OH OF COURSE, YOU WILL BE COMPENSATED HUMAN-” You rolled your eyes and threw your hands out in frustration, “Oh my stars you two have thick skulls- just say  _ please _ !” The two brothers looked at each other in confusion. “OH THAT'S RIGHT, HUMANS HAVE SILLY PLEASANTRIES LIKE ‘PLEASE’ AND ‘THANK YOU’. POINTLESS IF YOU ASK ME, YOU WILL EITHER DO IT OR YOU WONT AND NO WORDS WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.”  _ Ugh,  _ you rubbed your face in exasperation,  _ monsters. _

“ _ FINE _ !” You barked finally, “Show me the damn plants and shit.” It took two hours but you finally got Sans out the door with his brother’s help, a thick (with 3 ‘c’s) plant care manual and a large jar of sprinkles relabeled as " _ NTT BRAND ROCC FOOD ROCKS"  _ had been shoved into your arms as they disappeared down the hall. You sat down on the couch in the living room and opened the thick book with some amusement, and a lot of trepidation, this was gonna be a pain in the ass.

Two weeks later and you had Sans’ stupid schedule memorized and you were shocked to find Mutt’s pet rock was actually alive, it only moved when you weren’t looking, but it greeted you by the door every day. For all intents and purposes it  _ was _ a rock, just a smooth river rock about the size of a guinea pig, but it was much heavier than it looked. You yawned as you filled it’s food dish and changed its litter, it didn’t seem to have an odor, but the box was definitely used. You hadn’t been sleeping well the last few days and you found yourself spending more time in Mutt and Sans’ apartment than your own, Sans had wanted you to just stay at their place but there really wasn’t any need with you just next door (is what you had said at the time). Mutt had just patted his brother’s shoulder and told him I could sleep wherever I was comfortable, after that he grumbled but had mostly dropped the matter. You collapsed on their couch and turned on the massive flat screen mounted over their fireplace, shoving a few chisps in your mouth, at first you hadn’t been too sure about ‘dog salad’ flavor, but something about them was really addictive, kind of like salt and vinegar chips but of course, tasting nothing like that.

The show you were watching seemed to leave the same taste in your mouth, the writing was  _ awful _ , almost reminded you of some of the worst fanfics you had written as a teen, but the effects and acting were honestly pretty good. If monsters had one thing, it was passion! You watched a large lizard woman violently stirring a batch of what was once maybe ground beef with a large battle axe as a robot in a snapback chased a small whimsum around the stage with a chainsaw. Before long your lids grew heavy and you felt Mutt’s rock snuggle into your side, pulling the throw blanket over yourself and let your eyes slide shut.

“aw bro, innit cute?” Your face twitched as you felt a breeze blow across your face. “Silence, Brother, We Must Make This Quick.” You heard the scuff of a boot, though the familiar timbre of the voices are not enough to fully wake you. You felt yourself being lifted and snuggled into the firm chest, smelling of leather and wine. “I’d Rather Not Be Here When They Arrive.”  _ Mmm, that sounds like Sans, they’re back… _ The sounds of shattering glass next door jolted you awake, hands twitched, squeezing you tighter against the chest. “too late fer that, milord.” You heard Mutt drawl from behind Sans.

“Uh, hey… guys?” You heard a table being overturned, things crashing to the ground. “Is- is there someone in my apartment?” You asked alarmed, wondering why they hadn’t called the police yet. “Unfortunately, Yes.” Sans replied as he plucked the phone from your hand and tossed it to Mutt.

“Hey! We need to call the cops!” Sans looked down at you, eyelights glowing in the dom apartment. “Humans Authorities Can Not Help With This.” He turned abruptly and strode for the back door, easily carrying you in his arms. He came to a sudden stop as two figures appeared on the balcony. Sans growled and handed you over to his brother who took your weight easily. “Take Her To The Car, Brother, I Shall Be Behind You.” Mutt nodded stiffly as the sliding door was shattered in a flash of white, “Get Her Out Of Here-” A spray of glowing bullets zoomed towards Sans as his gaze landed on you, your mouth opened to yell when a tapered bone appeared in his hand in a flash of blue, eyes blazing violet as he swiped them out of the air with a single gesture.

Mutt nodded and stepped backward through the doorway to the kitchen and everything went dark. Your senses were nonexistent in this place, you couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, touch, taste- were you even real? Did you even exist? Weren’t you always a part of this place? Why would you want to leave, nothing can get you here, there's no- what were you worried about again? You seemed to float through the darkness forever, until you could hear- something. You strained your only available sense, it… sounded familiar… It steadily grew louder, you were patient, time did not exist here. Soon the sound was accompanied by scent, tobacco- and then you gasped, filling your lungs with air as you landed in the passenger seat of what seemed to be a modified dodge charger. “What- I-” You felt yourself being pressed once again into his chest and struggled, having your senses suddenly returned to you after not having them for what felt like an eternity was the worst kind of pain, everything was too much. You could hear him murmuring to you, ignoring your pathetic attempts to escape his embrace, but you couldn’t make it out. The only thing you could hear was that melody, a bit louder but still as murky and distorted sounding as before, like it was underwater, but it grounded you, it was something familiar. He released you as you calmed and snapped your seatbelt in place. “woulda been worse if i toldja before.”  _ Could have been  _ **_worse_ ** _? Where the fuck was that? _

__ The car roared to life as he raised the door to the garage, “gotta get outta town, head north.” he took a hard right onto a main road in town, several miles from where you had just been. “Mutt, how did we get here? What was that place?” He stiffened next to you, checking his mirrors, avoiding the question. “gotta grab captain, you can drive, righ?” You raised your brows, there had been only one other time you had been asked that while in a passenger seat and it had almost resulted in a crash. “Yes… why-”  _ and he's gone.  _ You shrieked and grabbed the wheel in alarm as it started to go towards the ditch. The lack of center console made it easier to clamor into the driver's seat, much easier than last time where the driver had climbed into the back seat instead of just pulling over and the car was much smaller. You had always been hyper-aware while in the driver’s seat of a car and this was no exception, you always had a sixth sense for hazards and had never been in an accident when you were the one in control of the vehicle. You maintained speed and kept north, “What the actual fuck is going on?” Your brain was still fried due to your little trip through that, that  _ void _ . It was awful, your skin felt raw, every streetlight needles to your eyes, the hammering of your heart in your chest deafening to your ears, your mouth tasting like ozone- a flash of white in your peripheral caused you to pull to the right. Your eyes widened as you caught sight of a vehicle fast approaching you from behind, a ring of white lights gathering before speeding towards you. “ _ Shit! _ ” You jerked the wheel to the right, taking you down a side street, you saw the car hesitate before mimicking your move.

A few more orbs of magic gathered and you sped up, there was nowhere to go on this street except for a small private drive that technically led back to the main road. You could almost cry with how well this car was handling the streets, you downshifted, yanked the e-brake, and pulled the wheel sharply to the left, barely avoiding the most recent barrage of magical bullets. You saw the car go racing past and you exhaled, maintaining speed as the narrow road allowed and headed back towards the main road, knowing it wouldn’t take long for them to turn around and find you, luckily that's all they  _ could _ do as the road had no other option, it led to a dead end three miles down. Your hands were steady on the steering wheel though your heart was beating out of your chest, eyes darting around looking for that same car to appear again. You only slowed to a normal speed in traffic when you spotted a cop car hidden poorly behind a sign, you believed the brothers now when they said human authorities wouldn’t be able to help. 

After a few minutes of driving north through town towards the highway you felt your shoulders relax, not seeing the car you were looking for, but they inched back up your neck when you noticed a cop car a few cars behind you. You checked your speed and kept in the middle lane. “What the fuck is taking them so long-” You yelped as the car from earlier came barreling out of a side street towards you. The radio clicked on, startling you even more, nothing but static and then that melody… You were filled with BRAVERY. Your hands clenched down on the wheel and you jerked it to the right, slamming the gas pedal to the floor, the engine roared angrily, overpowering the cacoughpany of horns and the wailing of police sirens, You wove in and out of traffic as the music pounded through your veins. You saw magic bullets flying by you, no regard to the innocents that were caught in the crossfire. You had to get off the main road, the light ahead turned yellow-  _ oops,  _ **red** , this was gonna be risky. You turned a hard left, going into oncoming traffic down a one-way street, dodging the terrified faces of the drivers you made it under the main highway and onto the road running parallel.

A bullet clipped your driver’s side mirror with a flash and explosion of glass, you yelped- how the hell were they catching up? What the fuck did they even want? You were just some human girl! “Ugh, just  _ stop! _ ” You saw a flash of orange and the car behind you stuttered, clipping the barrier before righting itself. You of course didn’t see the  _ second _ car appearing in front of you before it was too late, barreling towards you with a blizzard of bullets ready to end your admittedly short existence. You gasped and your eyes opened wide, ears filling with nothing but distorted static, the car filled with freezing air, a million grasping hands ready to take you back- the opposing car was launched into the air by a field of broken orange bones suddenly jutting from underneath it, warmth flooded the car, the feeling of clawing hands vanished and the static was silenced. The car was flipped up into the storm of bullets and all you could see was smoke and white light as you narrowly avoided collision by hopping the curb.

“nice drivin’ kid,” you screamed at the drawling voice in your ear. “knew ya could handle it.” Mutt said with his feet on the dash, skull resting on his fist, one eye open as he regarded you speeding down the road. “MUST HUMANS ALWAYS YELL?” You jerked your eyes to the other skelton seated in the back of the charger, giving him an incredulous look. “WHAT? KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD HUMAN, IT IS NOT OVER YET.”  _ What? _ You look forward to see a barricade of police cruisers, lights almost blinding in the dark, blocking the way as you round the corner. “MUTT HAND ME THE HUMAN COMMUNICATION DEVICE.” Mutt blindly tossed back a CB receiver and Sans held it to his teeth. “HUMAN POLICE, THIS IS CAPTAIN SANS SERIF, CAPTAIN OF THE MONSTER ROYAL GUARD, YOU WILL LET US PASS OR WE SHALL MAKE YOU MOVE UNDER ARTICLE NINE, SECTION FIFTY-EIGHT.” You bit your lip, they weren’t moving, you went to decrease speed but Sans told you to keep going.

“THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.” Mutt raised a hand glowing a rusty orange, the cars jerked to either side of the street, the police who had been standing moved to the side just as carelessly. Your eyes were wide as you easily sped through the prior blockade only to hear the scream and crush of metal behind you. You jerked your eyes towards the rear view mirror to see two of the cars had been returned to their position and used to take out the car following you, which was promptly swarmed by able-bodied officers, surprisingly very few seemed injured. You swallowed as you caught sight of Sans’ left eye glowing a fiery blue, his sharp-toothed grin a bit more bloodthirsty than you had expected.

“five and seven milord.” Sans cursed behind you as Mutt lazily looked out the window, boots still propped on the dash like earlier. “WELL? TAKE CARE OF IT, YOU BUFFOON, I AM TRYING TO REACH THE QUEEN.” Mutt hummed and continued, ignoring his brother and your panicked expression, “mmm, gonna need yer help for this one, bro.” Sans jerked around in the seat, phone in hand, busy signal blaring from it. He cursed and threw the phone down, “HUMAN KEEP GOING, NO MATTER WHAT. MUTT WILL REMOVE OBSTACLES, I WILL TAKE CARE OF THESE. FORTUNATELY, YOU ARE A COMPETENT DRIVER, BUT NOT QUITE AS MASTERFUL AS I OF COURSE.” You jerked the car to the side in annoyance, causing Sans to fall over in the seat, yelling. “they’re firing captain.” The back window cracked under a cascade of magic bullets, causing your heart to hammer in your chest. “What the fuck is going on?” You growled as you jerked the car around a corner, taking you away from the highway temporarily. “Why did they break into my house, why are they trying to kill us?” Sans punched out the back window before replying, “ _ YOU _ , THEY ARE HERE TO KILL  _ YOU _ .” He fired a barrage of bones at the cars behind you, causing some to swerve, clipping road debris and other cars, sending them off the road. “three survived milord,” Mutt drawled, yawning. “Me?! Why me!? What did I do!?” Sans grunted as you swerved around a pothole. “THEY THINK YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE IMPORTANT.”

Oh, so you really didn’t mean anything to them, that, well that stung, but you were a big girl. “So, why bother?”  _ Oh, yikes, hello self-deprecation my old friend _ . “WE COULD NEVER LET AN INNOCENT BE HARMED DUE TO SOMETHING AS INNOCUOUS AS BEING NEIGHBORS.” Your face screwed up in disbelief as Mutt lazily shoved a poorly parked car out of your way with no regard to anything around it, causing it to take out a fence and knock over a sturdy fruit tree.  _ Oh, I forgot, monsters are also batshit fucking insane. _ You imagined their responsibilities must make their instincts go into overdrive in situations like this. “BROTHER YOU CAN NOT SLEEP YET, HUMAN, SLAP MY USELESS BROTHER AWAKE.” Mutt jerked upright in the seat next to you, lids heavy, dark circles under his sockets, he looked  _ exhausted _ . “i’d jus shortcut us there but…” His eyes drooped again and snapped open as Sans smacked him over the head with a bone club, “I KNOW YOU ARE TIRED BROTHER, BUT THE HUMAN HAS NO MAGIC AND I AM RUNNING ON RESERVES AS WELL. THEY TIMED THIS PERFECTLY, QUITE THE RESPECTABLE TRAP IF THEY WEREN’T OUR ENEMIES.” Mutt let out another yawn and sat up straighter, “not very royal guard of ya ta compliment tha enemy bro.” Another bone smacked him in the back of his head and he grunted. “YOU ARE DISTRACTING THE HUMAN FROM HER JOB, THOUGH SHE IS DOING QUITE A PISS-POOR JOB WITHOUT ASSISTANCE” You growled, your nerves were fried, your brains were rattled, you had never seen a lick of magic in your life and now it was being sent after you with the intent to kill and he wanted to be a backseat driver and have cute little verbal debates with his brother, you glared viciously into his sockets, admittedly probably looking just as deranged as they did.

“You wanna get sent to the floorboards again, Admiral Asshole?” Mutt chuckled next to you at the butchering of Sans’ name and rank. Sans went purple in the face and shrieked, launching a barrage of bones at the cars coming up behind.

“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I AM A FUCKING CAPTAIN YOU FOOLISH TART- GACK!” You yanked Sans down by the collar of his shirt, just as a spray of bullets passed through the back of the car, blowing out the side windows. Sans blinked at you in shock, even Mutt sat up in surprise at your sudden move.

“No, a duck says ‘quack’.” Mutt cackled loudly in laughter, Sans blinked in confusion before screaming again in rage and ripping free from your grip. “NO, I WILL NOT HAVE JOKES, IF YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE JOKES WE SHOULD NOT BE WITHIN SHOOTING RANGE.” You grunted, “Sans I can only make the car do, what the car can do! I’m not some fucking pro driver!” He ignored you and took out one of the gaining cars. “FILTHY EXCUSES! IF YOU DO NOT GET US AWAY FROM THEM I SHALL RIP MUTT’S ARM FROM HIS USELESS BODY AND BEAT YOU WITH IT.” You narrowed your eyes, you’d like to see him try.

You careened around a corner, seeing the highway ahead, you were almost to the fork in the road where you would need to decide to go on the highway or not. “Boys, I know you said north, but should I go for the interstate or the highway?” You looked to the side to see Mutt snoozing, mouth agape, slumped in the seat ‘ _ zzzzzz-nyeh-heh-he-zzzzzz’ _ ,  _ oh, that's not good. _ You grabbed his jacket and shook him, “Sans! Mutt’s out!” His skull just flopped around uselessly and Sans yelled in frustration from the back, your heart pounded, simultaneously freezing in fear as you saw several downed trees blocking your path.

“Goddamn it!”  _ Fuck, why do we have to be one of those cities with a shitton of trees and people and bullshit thats great for blocking roads with everywhere? _ You might have been able to ram a dumpster or even a car or two, but with Mutt down for the count there was no way you were going to be able to move those trees. Headlights flashed behind you and you grunted, pulling Mutt’s head into your lap, at least he wouldn’t lose it that way, even if it made driving a bit more difficult.

“USELESS CUR, I’LL CRACK HIS OTHER SOCKET FOR FALLING ASLEEP ON THE JOB!” You eyed the blockade up ahead, if you were lucky they missed the- “Hold on Sans.” You jerked the wheel at the last second and skidded onto a small gravel road, you had the advantage of this being home turf, you had taken many late night drives down random little roads here or there, and it really paid off. You felt Sans grip the back of your seat, “ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING HUMAN, THIS DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE AN ACTUAL ROAD.” You waved him away.

You realized too late this was the plan the whole time, you cursed as a posse big enough to make Mad Max look like a Hot Wheels rally came onto view around the bend. The bravado you had felt was slowly fading as the densely packed forest forced you into a convenient funnel, “Sans.” He grunted as he took in the amount of cars and figures blocking the way, they had just been trying to wear you down to buy time for this, the ones trailing you had been reporting your every move. You were also at the disadvantage of the time of night, very few civilian cars would be on the road at this hour, trees blocking the moonlight, hiding the cars until you were already on them, it made you sitting ducks.

“Keep Going.” You jerked your head to look at him, his eyes were narrowed on the burning headlights and bullets aimed towards you. He jerked his brother up by his neck and cracked him across the face. “Wake Up, You Sack Of Shit.” Mutt opened his eyes brightly and sat up. “I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP, YOU UGLY DOG, NOW GET TO WORK.” Mutt looked at the mass of machinery and bodies before you as you sped towards them.

“ok.”

“MUTT. NOW.” Mutt yawned.

“ok.” The wall of death loomed closer and you could feel your heart begin to beat heavy again.

“MUTT.” A low base beat filled your ears.

“ok.” Mutt raised a hand lazily, eyelight sparking orange, not the steady glow from before. Static filling your veins, you could hear something else...

“MUTT I GAVE YOU AN ORDER.” He grunted, magic sparking around his fingers, sweat running down his skull as he struggled to summon even a single bone. A different melody, just as complex but more drawn out, but it seemed to be getting more intense by the second.

“...i can’t.” You heard Sans’ sharp intake of breath, you hummed along with the song, trying to place it, but the static was too loud. You could feel those hands again, grasping your shoulders and arms, as if someone was about to lean in and whisper in your ears but all you could hear is-

“MUTT YOU MUST.” Sans’ voice was a bit less certain sounding as magic started gathering in flashes of blinding lights. A few stray bullets fired too early ricocheted off the hood of the car, wouldn’t be long until they were ricocheting around in your collective skulls.

“ ~~Deep breath, Dearest, that's it, don’t worry, we will be there the whole time~~.” You felt your heart slow as the static cleared from your ears, you knew what you needed to do. You let go of the wheel, it was okay he was holding it for you , grabbed Mutt’s hand, blazing hot with embers of magic, you didn’t flinch even as he hollered in concern, the sound was getting clearer. You snatched Sans’ as well when he reached towards you in alarm, which burst into blue fire on contact with your skin, you gasped, you felt like a livewire, you could feel something like electricity ripping through your chest, it burned but it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever heard.

Both skeletons looked at you in shock as your eyes lit up, flashing between blue and orange rapidly. They were speaking but you couldn’t hear them, only the instructions being whispered in your ears.  “ ~~Yes, just like that. Such a smart girl~~.” You almost felt like a willing puppet being pulled with strings, though you knew what was happening before it happened, it was an odd feeling.  “ ~~Now,~~ ~~**_pull_ ** ~~ .” Sans and Mutt grunted as your eyes suddenly pinged bright yellow and you pulled them towards you with unexpected strength out the suddenly open car door, they were falling, dark, darker, yet  **d a r k e r…**

“ _...highway 99 north of South City will be closed for most of the day as crews work to  _

_ clear away the wreckage caused by what authorities are saying- _ ” Stomping booted feet entered the room, “TURN OFF THAT TRASH, YOU WILL WAKE HER.” You heard a feminine sigh from somewhere to your right.

“Weren’t you the one ready to slap her awake a few hours ago? If that faceplant to the ground you two goons managed, and your current vocal volume didn’t wake her then the TV won't either, General Grouch.” Your brow furrowed as Sans growled at the woman, “‘Sides, Pops says we should let her sleep. She did just send a fuckload of foreign magic through her soul to save your pathetic asses.” You snuggled into the jacket covering you, it smelled like- Sans? “Not the first time you idiots have needed a human to save your spines.” The voice needled smugly, the tone sounded familiar. “At least you kidnapped a good one, nice of you to change her.”  _ What. _

You heard Sans sputter “CHARA YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW-”  _ Of course it was Chara. _

“Oh? Too good for humans, Sansy?” Sans sputtered again but was interrupted by a deep masculine voice, it sounded tired.

“Chara dear, please do stop tormenting Sans.” You wanted to wake, you could feel someone large and intimidating leaning over you, reaching out- your eyes opened and the clawed hand, coated in green sparkles in front of your face flinched away at the bright yellow gaze bruning back at him. “Ah, Chara, her eyes are like yours. I had wondered…” The voice, assumedly belonging to the hand, trailed off before continuing, “Do not be afraid, my child, it is I, Asgore, Father to Chara. Am, am I correct in that I hear you two know each other?” You blinked a few times, your gaze was a bit fuzzy, when you finally could focus it was on a massive goat monster, hair and beard a pitch black, harsh contrast to his white fur, a pair of large white horns curled from atop his head, blood red eyes gazed at you patiently, sclera an acidic yellow. You blinked and a tarnished golden crown sat atop his head, a white cloth, stained with dust and blood covered his eyes, black and red robes stained with the same, red glowing trident grasped in his fist, the next blink it was gone, along with the rest of the fuzziness.

Sitting up, you pulled Sans’ jacket with you, half using it as a shield as you saw a few unfamiliar people in the room with you. You made your way around the room, looking for… You finally saw them, Sans just behind the large goat monster and Mutt sitting in the open window on the opposite side of the room, unlit smoke hanging out of his mouth, watching you wearily. Your shoulders relaxed slightly, they were okay, though they looked as exhausted as you felt. “Um, yeah, we went to school together for a while, where am I?” 

You heard a snort beside you, turning your head you saw Chara, looking about the same as she did three years ago, hair a bit longer, but still auburn, matching the poppy red of her eyes. You still remember the day you had complimented her on her eyes, comparing them to the flower and she had smiled happily, commenting how everyone always compared them to blood. You had frowned, ‘ _ That's a weird thing to say to someone.’ She had just laughed _ . “At my house, I swear I remember you being sharper than that.”

“Oh and you weren’t just defending me a second ago, whos this marshmallow and what did they do with the girl who decked a guy for looking at her wrong?” Chara scoffed at your jab from her position beside you, one knee thrown over the other as she leaned against the arm of the couch in a suspiciously familiar manner.

“CHARA WOULD YOU STOP SITTING LIKE MY LAZYBONES OF A BROTHER AND SIT MORE LIKE A LADY?” Chara turned her gaze from you to sneer at Sans, which turned into a smirk.

“Sure,  _ bone-daddy _ .” Sans’ sockets slammed shut in disgust. “YOU ARE TRULY THE WORST. YOUR HIGHNESS PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR CHILD.” The large goat monster who had been silently observing sighed heavily.

“Chara, please behave, must you always make everything so tedious?” Chara grinned from behind her arms as she rested them on the couch.

“I just don’t get how anyone could mistake her for me? I mean we look almost nothing alike except for our skin color, but that's not even close to the same shade.” You blinked, wait,

“They thought I was you?” You said looking at Chara who nodded, “Oh, I see the boneheads didn’t share that with you.” You looked to the side slightly as you recall what they did in fact say, “No, just that I guess the guys after us thought I was someone they cared about.”

You heard Sans grunt from the other side of the room where he was not-so-quietly discussing something with his brother. “NOT TRUE HUMAN, I SAID IT WAS SOMEONE IMPORTANT, NOT SOMEONE WE CARED ABOUT. CHARA IS IMPORTANT, BUT I DON'T MUCH CARE ABOUT HER, I WOULD HAVE LEFT  _ HER _ BEHIND.” Chara squawked in annoyance.

“That hurts, Sergeant Silver-tongue.” His deadpan expression was the only answer she needed, chara giggled and sighed. “Love you too, Uncle Sansy~.” Sans sneered before turning entirely away from her.

“DISGUSTING, YOU ARE NO LONGER A CHILD CHARA. I WILL TOLERATE NO LESS THAN A FULL TITLE FROM YOU.”  _ Wait… If he's her uncle, does that make-? _

__ “Well, I’m the Monster-Human Ambassador and  _ technically _ the Heir to the Throne, which makes me a…?” Sans snarled at her.

“Chara! That is enough! You are much too old to be acting like this in front of company, and Sans, I expected better from a Captain. Instead of squabbling like children I believe the poor child would like an explanation?” Sans and Chara looked properly chastised as you nodded. Asgore sighed and sat in a chair across from you and Chara, “Though it has been many years since we Monsters returned to the surface, thanks to Chara here, he smiled tiredly at his daughter. “There are still many who are wary or even violent towards us, and some who disagree with Chara’s position among us.” You nodded, it wasn’t surprising, people had tried to pick on Chara in school for just that reason but fell quickly either to her tongue or her fists. “Sometimes, they get a bit…  _ drastic _ .” You blinked.

“So, uh, how exactly did they think I was Chara?” Asgore rubbed his temples,

“Sans and his brother are not known for associating with humans. Only  _ one _ human, Chara. They must have thought you were her in disguise, admittedly the images are rather poor quality.”

Your eyes widened, “Images? They have  _ pictures _ of me?” You asked in alarm. Asgore nodded sadly, “This is a very unusual circumstance, the boys went to South City to see if they could draw out some of them, they did a little too well it seems.” He smiled and you had to admit, it made you sit back further on your seat, “Though I have to admit, I have never seen quite such a masterful eradication of the enemy, my wife was quite pleased, you three did quite well. Especially with you not knowing how to use your magic, my dear little mage.” Your mouth popped open in surprise, you? A mage?

He must be mistaken, “Uh, no, I don’t have magic, that was all Mutt and Sans.” Asgore was already shaking his head in amusement, “Oh no dear, Sans was quite clear when he said you pulled them out of there and brought them here, and well-” Chara thrust her phone in your face, front facing camera turned on to show your pale, shocked face and glowing… yellow… eyes…  _ fuuuuuuck _ . You grabbed her phone with both hands and turned it every which way, this had to be a prank, some stupid snapchat filter- it wasn’t.

“...Okay.” You lowered the phone after checking yourself out for a minute, “So, how exactly did I get us out?” You said, it coming out a bit weaker than you intended, Asgore frowned slightly before offering you a cup of steaming tea. You took it carefully, not really sure you were in the mood for it.

“Go ahead and drink it, child, it will help.” He shifted in his seat as you took a few sips, honestly it did help, you didn’t notice how sick you felt

“DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED, HUMAN?” You looked up at Sans who had finished his conversation with his brother who was still watching from his perch on the window sill. You held out your hand in a ‘so-so’ gesture.

“I remember some sort of static and, and something else, somehow I knew if I pulled you out with me we’d be okay.” Your head hurt as you tried to remember the details, something about that didn’t seem right. You felt a warm furry paw on your arm, you opened your eyes, realizing you had grabbed your head in pain. “Do not force yourself to remember, child, regardless of how you did it, it was not easy on your body or soul, quite the opposite.”

Asgore turned towards Sans, “Will you notify Toriel that she is awake?” Sans bowed, “OF COURSE YOUR-” Mutt stood from his perch, “i’ll go.” And slowly left the room. Sans stared after him, frowning, you mirrored his look. “Who pissed in his barbeque sauce?” Chara said, sitting up frowning as well. You shook your head and Sans didn’t reply before looking at Asgore in question who held up his hand, “Leave him be.” Sans bowed slightly before moving to stand slightly behind you and Chara. Asgore nodded in approval, clearing his throat before continuing, “Either way my dear, what occurred was quite the surprise to everyone. You appeared suddenly in the entrance to our home, a firm grip on both of the boys, completely unconscious. Sans reports your eyes started glowing, you suddenly grabbed them both and pulled them here in a similar fashion to his brother’s shortcut ability.” You felt a bit barfy at the thought of going through that darkness again, glad you didn’t remember it this time, once was enough. “You’re looking a bit green, my child, have some more tea.” You took another small sip and felt the nausea fade a bit. “Why do I have magic?”

You heard Chara blow out a lungful of air, she was slumped on the couch again, twirling a lock of pin-straight hair around her finger. “See, turns out most humans  _ do _ have magic, but like they're small insignificant things, like uh maybe you've never broken a bone and you should have? Perseverance. Those parkour weirdos who never seem to fall? Bravery. Never seem to die?" Asgore stiffened and his eyes narrowed dangerously on Chara, her own placid and wandering, "No matter how many times you're  _ stabbed _ ,  _ beaten _ ,  _ burned-"  _ You laid your hand over her arm and she finally looked at you, her eyes filled with- "Determination." She finished, not shrugging off your touch, but not leaning into it either.

"Are those like the... I guess ' _ types _ ' of magic?" She held her hand out in a so-so gesture. "Yes and no, most adults have a mix of a few of them, kids usually have solid colors until they develop a larger view of the world and its bullshit." you rolled that around in your head for a moment.

"What do you mean by colors?" Chara blinked, "Oh, sorry, uh each trait has a corresponding color in a soul, it's easier for humans to associate them with colors anyway since we can't usually sense intent or feelings in a soul like monsters can." 

"Wait, you can  _ see _ souls? How?" You looked down at your body, not sure where exactly it was located, even  _ if _ it was located in a central spot. "Can I see mine?"

Sans made a weird choking sound behind you as Chara shrugged. "Sure, why not?" She said the same time as Sans started with; "DEAREST THAT IS VERY PRIVATE-" he choked himself off at Charas smug grin. You tilted your head, "what?" Charas eyebrows raised, apparently looking for some sort of reaction, "Sans said it was private, I get that but that's not what you're being all weird about is it?" 

"It is not common for Sans to use familiar terms when referring to others, much less a term of en _ dear _ ment." You watched Sans' eye shut in what appeared to be agony at Asgore's joke. "I am sorry Sans, you know I cannot help myself."

You just shrugged, "Not the first time he's called me something like that, we all have spent a lot of time together over the last month or so before they left for work last week." Chara was grinning at Sans again.

"NOT LIKE THAT, YOU DEGENERATE!" His skull was flushed purple, which only deepened as he looked at the raised brows on your face. “Chara, leave the poor guy alone, I mean, he has to guard you or some shit right, guy needs a paid vacation, like at least three months away from you a year.” You chastised.

“Ah, but what would I do without my favorite guards for so long?” A smooth feminine voice said from the doorway. You felt Chara shift beside you, sitting a bit straighter as the tall female goat monster glided into the room, Mutt following a step behind her. You tried to catch his eye, you were worried about him, he had been acting odd since you woke up, he didn’t look your way, instead choosing to stand off to the side of the heavy door. You didn’t realize you were staring so hard until your view was blocked by a black and gold robe and you had to blink to get your eyes to readjust. You looked up to see the goat monster you were sure was Toriel, Chara’s mother and Queen of Monsters. She was regarding you with slightly narrowed eyes, similar in color to her husband’s, the smile on her muzzle was a bit more tense than it was a moment ago.

“Hello, I am Toriel, Chara’s mother.” You stood and took her paw in a firm handshake, you blinked and her eyes were glowing a deep red, shadows covering her face, a pitch black suit of armor covered her from head to toe- she looked utterly menacing, another blink and it was all gone. That was… disorienting, you really hoped that didn’t happen every time you touched someone from now on. You would be lying if you didn’t feel a small amount of satisfaction at the small flinch around her eyes as she stared into yours, you were starting to be able to notice the tingle when they glowed, that was also something you hoped you would be able to control.

“Nice to meet you, thank you for letting me be unconscious on your couch, I’m not usually so  _ faint _ of heart.” You finally saw her genuinely smile, it changed her whole face, but the stifled laugh by the door is what made you smile. You heard Sans groan behind you, “Sorry Captain, I’m not trying to make your job hard.” You looked back and he was staring at you blankly, you ran back over what you just said in your mind as you heard Mutt cough to cover his laugh. It was your turn to groan and you covered your face, “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to that time! I swear!” 

The violet fire in his eyes made it clear you would be paying for that later, regardless of your intentions.  _ At least Sans is acting normal… _ You gave him a sheepish grin and he rolled his eyes. “MY LIFE IS A CIRCUS AT THIS POINT, WHAT IS ONE MORE CLOWN?” You pressed a hand to your chest in faux hurt while Chara made obnoxious honking noises over your shoulder. “I am glad to see you are making more… friends Chara, Sans.” Sans stood at attention, eyes on the queen.

“I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IS THE CORRECT TERM FOR HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS HUMAN, YOUR MAJESTY.” You couldn’t read his expression and now he was refusing to look at you, though you could see a faint violet tinge return to his cheeks for a moment. The queen looked down at you as if to gauge your reaction but you just gave Sans a cocky wink and rolled his eyes in response.

You did fully turn to him with a serious expression, "Though I really am sorry, I guess you're technically at work and they're your bosses, I'll try to be more respectful of your title while we're here." His sockets were wide with surprise at your sincere apology, which was of course quickly replaced with one where he would be looking down his nose at you if he had one.

"I SHALL FORGIVE YOU THIS TIME, AS YOU HAVE WILLINGLY PROSTRATED YOURSELF BEFORE MY MALEVOLENT MERCY, HUMAN." You could hear Mutt wheeze by the door as Chara tried to smother her snorts of laughter, all unheard by Sans as he boasted loudly about his great ability to forgive, which you readily agreed to. When you finally turned back towards the king and queen you saw a look of mild surprise which was quickly wiped away by the queen who readopted her cold, distant smile.

"Well, how gracious of you, Captain Serif.” Her smile was a bit more warm when she looked at him, it made something in your chest feel funny, and definitely not in the ‘haha’ sort of way. You felt Chara lean in towards you, “Chill, dude, you got yer high beams on. Man, this might be harder than I thought…” She trailed off and you swallowed the acid in your mouth. Toriel turned back towards you and gestured for you to take a seat as she took one beside her husband, oh, she was married, that's right. You felt your shoulders relax and Chara snickered beside you until you elbowed her in the stomach.

“Ah, now I do not mean to rush this conversation, as there will be plenty of time for us to speak in the future, but I must get back to work unfortunately so I will cut to the chase.” She folded her hands in her lap neatly, Asgore sitting beside her watching neutrally. “These people are dangerous, and you are unfortunately now a target.” You swallowed heavily, “However, it is only due to  _ negligence _ ,” her eyes narrowed and lifted to the violet ones behind you a moment before continuing, “and we are prepared to make reparations for the unforeseen affect this situation has had on your life.” You felt your eyes narrow, gross, flowery politician-speak.

“Thank you, honestly I would just be fine with my apartment being fixed and my stuff replaced, I’m healthy and everyone’s alive. And by negligence, I assume you mean the fact I became friends with Captain Serif and his brother, I will have to respectfully disagree with you about that.” Asgore blinked in surprise and you heard the scuff of a boot behind you, even Mutt was looking at you in surprise. “Our friendship did not occur while they were on the clock, per se, as I cannot imagine Captain Serif would goof-off while working, he takes his job much too seriously to do that. So please don’t punish them for that.” You carefully did not mention Mutt directly as you were sure there were plenty of times he had goofed off with you instead of doing his job, especially when Sans showed up and literally drug him away by his neck. Toriel was quiet for a while, regarding you with an unreadable expression.

“I see,” she finally said, “however I will not be able to grant your request.” You felt a flare of annoyance in your stomach.

“You can not return to your previous home, it is being watched.” You closed your mouth, “we shall offer you accommodation, regardless of this situation you are welcomed as you are a mage like my daughter. She, along with Sentry Aster shall help you develop your abilities.” You felt your brow furrow, who the fuck was Sentry Aster?

“Ha ha, Uncle Rus, you got put on babysitter duty anyway!”  _ Rus _ ? That name sounded familiar- you heard Mutt groan by the door.

“ah, c’mon, ya really makin me babysit tha brats? she even said i didn’t do nuthin wrong.” You saw Toriel smile wickedly. “Actually, my dear sentry, our guest said your  _ brother _ did nothing he shouldn’t, she made no mention of you.” Mutt looked at you, betrayed. You held up your hands, “I tried man. Wait- I thought you liked hanging out with me! It was that cake I made wasn’t it? You’re like a stray dog, only interested in whos feeding you. Fickle  _ mutt _ .” You heard Chara groan beside you as Mutt grinned at your pun though it still looked a bit forced, “And I heard the ‘brats’ comment you dirty old grandpa!” You wrinkled your nose at him, expression indignant.

“Can you stop flirting with my Uncles, it's pretty gross to be honest.” Mutt just gave you a wink as you rolled your eyes. 

“Children!” Toriel finally growled with some emotion, which of course was exasperation, “You have entirely too much energy, to the training room with you!” Chara and Mutt groaned, but worked their way out of the room, you stood to follow, as did the king and queen, “I am sorry to cut this short, my child, I am sure you have many questions, I should have more time to answer them this evening around dinner time, but I must be going, we are late to a meeting.” Toriel took you hand a text box appeared:

***Queen Toriel Dreemur; A Politician through and through.**

Somehow you avoided reacting that time, you were going to have a ton of questions for Chara. Toriel gave you what one might mistake for a warm smile, the grip of her hand slightly too firm to be friendly, not that you were one to be intimidated. You weren’t sure what was up with her, but you didn’t like games. Your grip was just as firm, you felt a slight zing across your skin, almost like a gust of hot wind, Toriel's grip seemed to slacken as she blinked at you in surprise before releasing you hand and striding from the room. Sans when to follow when Asgore interrupted him, “Captain Serif, I would like you to oversee the training introduction this evening, please escort our guest to the training room. I fear things may get out of hand.” Sans appeared next to you from behind the couch and saluted the king. “OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY.” Asgore offered his hand to you and you took it, the same odd text box appeared,

***King Asgore Dreemur; Will do what he has to, to keep monsters free.**

His grip was firm but respectful, there was no zing or flash of heat this time, he even offered you a smile, one a bit more genuine than the queens and made his way out of the door his wife left through. Sans offered you his arm and you took it with a smile, he was quite dashing in his uniform, you never thought you’d be attracted to a man in uniform but here you were. As you walked down the halls Sans pointed out a few tapestries and explained their history, some people might find it boring, but it was interesting, especially with his deep voice filling each story with life. “AND THAT IS HOW I SINGLE-HANDEDLY BEAT THE ENTIRE ENEMY PLATOON.” You blinked, impressed, if it was actually true. Sans did seem to have a bad habit of embellishing on his accomplishments a bit. “Heh, that's not how it happened, pipsqueak and you know it!” Sans froze mid-step as a large yellow lizard woman appeared from the doorway he had been directing you towards.

“OF COURSE IT IS ALPHYS, YOU WERE THERE, HIDING IN THE CORNER. AND NEED I REMIND YOU I AM YOUR CAPTAIN NOW.” Though it was phrased as a question, it sounded like a threat.

“Pft! Looks like the golden boys stuck on babysitting duty,  _ again _ .” She eyed you, gnarly scar running down the right side of her face as she crossed her massive arms, “And its a new baby, might even be wimpier than the other baby, what the fuck is this place, a goddamn daycare?” She looked down her snout at you and sneered.

“Watch Your Tone, Alphys.” Sans said quietly. You were staring up at the lizard woman, unimpressed, bullies were nothing new, this one just happened to be scalier than usual. She hadn’t blinked, her black eyes trained on yours in a glare, you refused to blink as well, some monsters tried to use stupid dominance games to get you to bow down to them.

“Why? She's just some weak  _ human _ . You shoulda let her get taken, one less problem on our hands, dunno why you hang out with it Sans, only a matter of time before it bites you.” You snorted at the beefy lizard.

“Sorry, I can’t take that seriously from someone with a maw like that, you look like you eat preschoolers for breakfast, especially with an insult like that.” For bullies you gotta cut em off at the knees, if you can't take them out with your words or your brains, you better be able to back it up with your fists or a pair of fast feet.

“What did you say you fucking freak? You think i won't stomp you just cuz yer some special human? Go ahead and say that without Captain Shortcake behind you.” Sans gently removed your hand from his arm.

“Pardon Me, I Must Put My Subordinate In Her Place, I Apologize For The Inconvenience. Luckily We Have Arrived At The Appropriate Room For Such Things.” You looked away from the sneering lizard woman, “I’m sorry Captain, I made your job difficult again.”

He shook his head, “No, This Is Something I Should Have Dealt With Before It Came To This.” He gave you a slight bow as you frowned.

“Are you guys fucking done with your little talk because- GACK!” Sans has turned on his heel, bone club appearing in his palms in time for him to hit a home run using Alphy’s skull as the ball. The sound it made as the club hit her skull and sent her flying back into the other room and through a lot of equipment you were sure is not a sound you think you’ll ever forget. He stalked into the room, sending a barrage of attacks after her if the loud yells were any indication.

“YOU WILL NOT DARE EVER DISRESPECT AND HUMILIATE ME IN THAT MANNER EVER AGAIN OR I SHALL SKIN YOU AND WEAR IT AS A RAINCOAT. YOUR USELESS CARCASS I WILL SEND BACK TO YOUR WIFE PACKAGED AS A SPECIMEN.”

You heard the slamming of something heavy on the ground followed by a rapid succession of a few smaller impacts and a screech. You walked towards the door, carefully peeking around the corner to avoid any flying debris. The left side of the room was slowly getting demolished by magic in the shape of bones, axes, and arrows, you looked around for Mutt and Chara but they were nowhere to be seen. You were betting they hadn’t even gone to the training room. “boo.” You’d like to say you didn’t jump, but you did.

“Ugh! Damn you Mutt!” Chara snickered beside him in her sage green coat, hood pulled up to cover most of her hair, bangs still somehow immaculate before intoning in the worst Hagrid impression you’d ever heard;

“Welcome to Hogwarts, Harry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys, I really wanted to sit on this chapter and make sure it flowed like I wanted and apparently that meant forgetting about it for a couple months during this pandemic.  
> Any awkward grammar/formatting is a joint effort of me and the website, I have no beta *shrug*  
> I got a 60 hour a week job, I do this for enjoyment.  
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys!  
> Also I do have an unholy love for a good quiche.
> 
> Send your quiches here:  
> UndynesSpear.tumblr.com


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